DREAM WEAVER-HOW YOUR DREAMS AND YOUR GOALS ARE INTERCONNECTED (TOOLS TO SHIFT PERSPECTIVE)

The #shiftingperspective series is an unscientific compilation of the tools, 

attitudes or approaches that have supported my journey to becoming whole-hearted, 

awake, and not controlled by my trauma.
You can read the first installment here:  Meet Your Maker 

and the second here:  Hit The Books

I bet when you think of your goals, you don't automatically
think of your dreams or desires.
In my past, these things were usually pretty disconnected.
Goals were practical things, time bound and measurable.
Dreams were fantastical, imaginary or outrageous.
As I worked to become someone new, 
I found a surprising connection between what I dream about
and the objectives I aim for when no one else is watching.
FULL DISCLOSURE: 
This is not really my idea-there are several hundred self-help gurus,
books, podcasts, youtube videos, etc that will talk to you about visualization,
about the law of attraction, affirmation, self-realization.
You will find journals or 6 month courses that walk you through 
aligning your dreams with your reality,
visual aids to help you expand your horizons.
It is not new...it is very very old.
Still...accepting that my dreams influence the direction 
of my life has been a game changer for me.
It might be one of the keys to shift your perspective too.

Look who managed to replace the flooring in her house.  #goals

Imagination is such a powerful tool and 

can be the key to unlocking something different or greater than right now.
When we dream about something, we have the potential to turn it into reality.
Dreams can be amazing launch pads to a better life, allowing us to 
create realities that seemed impossible.
Dreams can also keep us stuck if we're not careful-burning out energy on
alternate realities that would be nightmares if they came to fruition,
allowing us to escape from reality instead of working towards healing.
I have had a lot of dreams that mesmerized me into inaction or 
worse, had me feverishly spending energy in ways that could never satisfy.
The dream of being a perfect parent or wife,
the dream of reconciling with toxic people,
and the dream of arriving at the pinnacle of success (whatever that means)
were all dreams that held me in thrall for a long while.
Part of changing my perspective meant letting go of dreams that 
weren't serving me anymore.
Clearing the decks to make room for something else.

Real life view as house is getting redone. #messymiddle

Here's an example of a dream that wasn't serving me anymore:
I used to dream of traveling the world.
In my imagination, I would have a third floor flat in Florence from which to
launch myself on adventures in Europe.
Here's a typical day (in my imaginary life):
I would start the day with a cappuccino and a pastry at a little cafe around the corner,
perfectly coiffed in a striped Breton, red flats and red lipstick.
The (bright, 72 degree) day would consist of visiting markets, 
touring museums and picking up incredible stories from 
a couple of aging ex-pats who definitely
think I would be the perfect addition to their friend's dinner party that evening. 
Dinner (at their friend's refurbished castle) is a perfectly paced  
ensemble of fascinating conversation and epicurean delights-
from the pasta to the pesce, each dish highlights the special gifts of this place..
To round out the night, the whole party moves to the gardens
(which were incidentally designed by a 17th century mystic)
and our host pours wine while fireworks light up the sky.
I have a very good imagination.
It sounds like a great dream right?

But it's not a dream that I would ever want to make my real life.
The reality is...I hate to fly, I dislike to be away from my family,
and being in a different time zone leaves me stunned like a newborn deer.
I'm gluten intolerant and don't have a great relationship with alcohol.
I dislike large cities, crowds of people irritate me,
and I need to snuggle a dog and dig in the dirt to be truly satisfied.
There is zero chance I'm going anywhere with strangers I just met.
Zero.
That dream is not something that I want to have happen-
the reality of it would be awful.
I had dozens of these kinds of dreams-
the kind that might happen someday,
to someone else who was perhaps already in Italy,
who was at least able to eat bread or 
who loved to be surrounded by strangers.

I am not that person-and I never really wanted to become her.

Having that dream take up space in my imagination kept me 
from maximizing my real life.
It meant I spent my energy and time (and money) focused on 
a life that I would never want to live-instead of living a life
right now that is bigger and better and tailored to ME.

All of these are beautiful-but they're not all for me.

What if I turned that imagination towards something I really wanted?
What if I cleared out the clutter so that I could claim my own dreams
instead of spinning beautiful mirages that I secretly hope never come true?
My experience has been a little bit like a TV show for hoarders....

I've gone through and sorted dreams into keep and toss piles.

Which left space for new dreams to be imagined.
The dreams that are keepers fill my stomach with butterflies-
these dreams they will be crazy hard for me to achieve.
And yet, I feel more centered and beloved and whole
when I imagine living the life I've envisioned within these dreams.
They are not a fun movie to play across my mind when I want an escape.
They don't belong to a version of me that has to be small and they're not 
a parasitic vestige of childhood trauma lingering in a corner.
I'm willing to do the work it takes to have these dreams.
I'm willing to fail at them a hundred times.
I'm willing to say them out loud and look ridiculous.
Any effort made towards these dreams is a win-
even if I don't succeed that round, I will try again.

Here are some of my dreams:
I am a published author.
I own a mountain house.
My children love, respect and trust me.
My marriage is exceptional-I am the best friend my husband could ever have.
I have work freedom and am excited by the challenges I face.
I am thriving physically and spiritually.
I listen to GOD and do what GOD tells me to do.
I have more than enough money to support myself indefinitely.
I am open-hearted, generous and forgiving.
I love myself and am proud of the person that I am.

Every single one of these dreams are a multi-year effort-
some of them may take me all the years I have left before I can claim 
even a modicum of success.
I have failed at them and will fail again.
But to quote the great prophet CHUMBAWAMBA,
I get knocked down, but I get up again.
You are never gonna keep me down.
The intersection of goals and dreams is where the magic happens.
It is where the perspective shifts, where all the nagging
disappears into background noise.
Even though these dreams are hard,
underachieving isn't an option.
I will do it or die trying.

What are your dreams?
Are they all dreams you'd like to come true?
Is it time to clean out the closet of dreams that don't fit you anymore?
What dream is big enough for you to fail at a hundred times?
What dream is worth saying out loud and looking ridiculous for?
The dreams that are yours, the ones that are meant for you,
are worth failing at and looking dumb over.
That is the most important perspective shift of all.