MEET YOUR MAKER (TOOLS TO SHIFT PERSPECTIVE)

I am a very different person than I was four years ago and that is not the result 

of a magic one week cleanse or a finding the right man or a gypsy curse.

I have done some particular behaviors that have made it possible for me 

over time to incrementally become a different person.
In full disclosure...my discovery of these items was often accidental.
I'm creating a series called #shiftingperspective because
it's possible that one other person needs some tips or tools for how to change.

It's is an unscientific compilation of the tools, 

attitudes or approaches that have supported my journey

 to becoming whole-hearted, awake, and not controlled by my trauma.

An important step for me shifting my perspective was

committing myself to God.
No...I don't mean taking a vow of celibacy or joining a cult.
I mean connecting to my Maker with intention by
creating a practice that moves through my daily life.
I mean picking a path to reach God that gives me framework and accountability.
I stopped avoiding my own belief and ideas about God
and decided to accept God as an integral and necessary 
part of my existence.

For the first four decades of my life, I was an arrogant jackass in my relationship to God.  

To anyone who struggles with faith, who longs for a connection with the Divine

 and can't quite get there-I'm sorry.  

I hear your pain and struggle and I acknowledge that my next few paragraphs

 might make you feel rage at my wasteful and irreverent attitude.  

To those of you who are committed atheists or anti-religion-I hear you too.  

I am not trying to convert anyone to a religion.  

Just hear me out and let it percolate for a while.

I think there's something in here that will shift even the most 

self-destructive or apathetic soul.

Let's talk about God...the Divine...the Universe....Love with a capital L.

I have always had a connection with God that was personal and real. 

God has been with me since I was little and I have always been able to 

find that golden thread that connects me to the WHOLE when I go looking for it.

I have talked to God throughout my life-
usually asking for guidance once I was well and truly lost.

God answers me on the reg-

sometimes in clear, direct ways and sometimes in infuriating riddle.

My personal connection with God requires very little suspended belief or blind faith.

I don't understand God per se...but I experience and feel God 
moving and working in the world.
God is as real to me as the wind or cellular division or fermentation.

If I believe that God is real and I experience God often, you would think that 

I would develop intentional ways to connect with that mystery as often as possible.

I hate to disappoint you with my humanity 

but this very ease enabled me to dismiss a spiritual practice 

as unimportant for a long time.

I went through my first four decades or so taking this connection for granted-

treating this gift as if it were not precious or important to my overall well-being.
I reached for God when I needed a favor, I high-fived God when something
amazing happened, I said some nice things to God on holidays, 
and I tried really hard not to work on it too much.

This connection was organic and fundamental-but also
suspiciously free from angst, pain or expectation.
Because of my unresolved trauma and family of origin

I preferred to focus my energy on more challenging things-
like people-pleasing, chasing someone else's dreams, or pretending everything was FINE.
It's hard work hustling to meet the challenges that the world values
and I was a winner dammit!  

God often told me that I was enough, that I could choose differently,

that I was made for more, that there was another path.

If I'm being truly honest....I felt this connection was kind of annoying.
God was so consistently present and frankly...
saying something that I was uninterested in hearing.

I learned to ignore God so I could do what I wanted.

Yeah yeah....I said.  
I'm gonna try that, just as soon as I convince this person to love me

 or I become financially set for life, or get through this hard parenting milestone.

Just over that mountain-that's where I'll meet You, 
spend some time in Your presence.

But my priority for this connection just kept receding into the distance, 

dropping lower on the life goal list.

Be still God said.

Hold my beer I responded.

So what changed?

I failed.
All my worldly targets and achievements didn't keep me safe.
My people pleasing and focusing on the worldly ideas of success
didn't exempt me from pain, shame and humiliation.
This fail was so big and so deep that I couldn't dust myself off 

and pretend like it was no big deal.
I was down for the count for months and I wasn't sure I was getting back up.
There were sleepless nights within this time where I felt dead-

stunned into stillness by the blows to my soul.

I wanted to die; I felt dead in many ways.

I wanted to leave-this life, my job, my marriage.
Any relationship that I had previously participated within
felt barren, tasteless, and colorless.

I reached out to God-connecting to that source that I couldn't make time for before.
I spent much of that dark time wrapped in God-

using God for strength when I couldn't eat, couldn't breathe, 
couldn't climb into a chair much less move mountains.

God sustained me in a way that I didn't know was possible-

and showed me something precious I had been dismissing because

 it was so available to me.

I was reaching out to God consistently for a protracted amount of time.

I showed up, I listened to what God said-
even when it sounded waaaay harder than just leaving, 
even when it seemed like lunatic guidance,

when it made me angry and was exactly the opposite of what the world 

told me to do.

Somewhere in this darkness...I committed to a path
that included God and it made a major difference in my healing.
I kept coming back, kept doing my part, kept reaching for the connection, 
and I accidentally managed to heal parts of myself that were stuck.
My perspective about many things changed because I gave
over myself to a higher power.

Now I can feel you bunching up.
Perhaps everything I'm saying just reinforces that I'm bonkers to you
but I'm going to keep pushing for a minute.

Skepticism and resistance makes a lot of sense to me-

more sense than any on the spot conversion ever has in my opinion.

I am not telling you to be a certain religion.

I'm not actually telling you that religion is the answer to anything.

Religion can get in the way of personal growth and development

because it often narrows the field in 
ways that are based in human failings, fear or power.
Religions are support paths or frameworks-ways that other humans
have managed to connect to God.
They persist because they work-like 12 step programs or weigh watchers.
I am not knocking them but I am also not saying you need them
or promoting one over the other.

I'm not talking about theology or consequences-

whether there is a heaven or a hell,

who gets to be in or who gets to be out.

Everyone belongs to God, in God, with God.

Why do I think this helps?

There are a couple of angles I could take up about this.

My understanding of my own nature is that I'm a physical body,

with emotions and logic as primary influences of my behavior.

I'm an entity comprised of body, mind and spirit.

Fueling my spirit is just as important as physical health
and requires a commitment from me to support that spirit.
It's not likely that I can shift my perspective intentionally
if I'm not healthy in all three areas.
Connecting with God helps my spirit be healthy.

Don't like that angle?

How about this one...whatever you believe, 

I am assuming that you don't believe that you personally

 were the Force behind the universe creation, 

behind the stars and planets and those little baby feet that are so perfectly scrumptious.

Something ELSE did that and I'm pretty sure you don't understand 

what that something ELSE is.

It's a mystery.
Accepting that you don't know everything is important.
Trying to connect to that mystery more often-
letting go of your ego, listening to the seashell of the universe,
living into possibility-changes you.

What if you're angry at God?
First....you're not alone.
There are so many broken and damaged people-
every single one of us is pretty messed up.
If you've been hurt or neglected in the name of God,
don't you deserve redemption?
If you've been taught ideas about God that 
sound like middle school drama rules, wouldn't it be nice
to take that to the principal's office?
Second...God can handle your anger.
You are encouraged and allowed to feel all the feelings.
God is not a human-passive aggressive and bound by our rules.
Let me ask you this:
You ever have a fight with your best friend and stop speaking to her?
How long did you stop speaking to her?
Was it forever?
I stopped speaking to one of mine for a year in college.
And then one day I realized that the burden of my anger
was too heavy to bear-no matter what terrible thing she'd done-
and we went to dinner.
We had a hard time getting started, what she'd done wasn't undone,
and what I'd done in response wasn't either.
We'd both missed out though because I didn't know how to speak
my disappointment, rage and frustration.
We learned a lot in that experience-both the fighting and the forgiveness.
If two self-centered and dramatic college kids can wade into 
a conversation and come out better,
then certainly the Force that moves through the universe
can handle your rage.
Give it over and see  what happens when there's a space.
Be still, open up,
reach for something bigger than you little human.


There are infinite names for God.
You cannot ever fully know or contain God.
The task is impossible.
There is still value in the trying, in the journey, in the wrestle.
There are 6 billion paths to God-there is one for you too.
Whatever path you choose...the action of choosing, 
the practice or the commitment has a payoff that is unexpected.


This post feels really long-winded but I don't want to lose the important bit.
Here's what I'm saying in the most direct way possible:
Actively work to connect with God
and your perspective will shift.
It has too...your focus is different so your view will change too.