I'm an external processor, a thinker-out-loud-er,
a person who digs in deep to the emotional pea that is interrupting my flow
and then talks (or writes about) it until I've made sure all my friends know
whatever I just uncovered.
Y'all already know this about me right?
While it may seem like I have great insight into myself
and the things that impact me,
the reality is that I'm still (and always will be)
figuring out new and embarassing things about myself.
Just a few weeks ago, I was answering questions about
my medical history in preparation for a minor procedure.
I told the nice person on the phone about my allergies to
several over the counter medicines.
He asked me to describe my reaction and then was dead silent.
"Wow" he said, followed by more silence.
"We're going to mark that as a severe reaction."
I'd like to say that I knew that paranoia, days without sleep and heart palpitations
were a severe reaction to a drug before he said those words.
But I didn't.
I kind of thought it was normal.
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| There is only one thing in this photo. Life. |
Why did I think it was normal?
The answer to that is layered but here are a few threads:
Because I'd lived through this reaction several times.
Because I didn't get hospitalized or have any negative consequences
outside of my own body and mind.
Because I had adapted behaviors and strategies
for ways to avoid this kind of reaction in most cases.
Because everyone else can handle these very common drugs.
Because it makes me a little weird.
Because I'm a human and therefor I can normalize any damn thing-
including feeling like I'm about to be attacked by an unknowable monster
in a drug induced panic.
Because some times I don't know how to evaluate something
until someone helps me place it within a broader context.
Because I just decided it was fine.
I (unintentionally) calibrated this experience as something that was
'not-great' but also 'not as awful as other things'.
The value I assigned to this experience was inaccurate
according to the generally accepted definitions of mild, moderate or severe
that medical professionals use
but since I didn't have anyone outside of my head validating
my rating, I never questioned it.
Humanity's flexible approach to situations
is our super-power and our biggest achilles heal.
We decided (and continue to decide) how to assign meaning and value.
We are making it up as we go along.
And while we can do this activity alone,
when we do it together, the results are different.
Sometimes better, sometimes worse-but always MORE.
I'd like to tell you this is the only time this has happened but
I've honestly been recalibrating my understanding of
'how things are' for most of my adult life.
There are lots of experiences that I originally
thought of as inconsequential or predictable
that I now know are traumatic, abusive or unhealthy.
There are things RIGHT NOW that I don't
pay attention to because I think they're not that big a deal
but will absolutely be revealed to me as a problem.
Nothing highlights this more than politics.
Don't roll your eyes. I know that you're thinking of
US government dynamics and while I know the media shenanigans
are making you want to close your laptop and sage your house,
just hang with me a sec.
Rob Bell has the best definition of politics I've ever heard:
"Politics is our shared life together"
For it to really be politics, we've got to be present with each
other.
Otherwise, we're just walking around inside our own head
and calibrating things according to our singular understanding.
There's a strong possibility that we don't have all the info in there.
And while I like to believe I can live on my own
without influence or support
that is just plainly false.
And wow have I been wrong about our shared life together.
Ten years ago, I thought our country was well on the way to racial reconcilation.
Five years ago, I thought being mentally fit to hold the office of presidency
was a given requirement.
Three years ago, I watched thousands of people take actions
that they thought lined up with their patriotic duty
but pretty much match my definition of treason.
Back to the two sides of this coin though....
our biggest flaw is also a super-power when we understand
how it works.
I can change my mind, adjust to new information.
I can recalibrate my understanding and move forward
with a different perspective.
This means I can learn to like tomatoes,
you can learn about the real history of the police force,
and we can both make smarter choices when it comes to electing
officials to represent us.
In case you're not getting the full message here
this is an election year and local elections
have significantly more impact on you,
your life, taxes, and community
than federal elections.
If you live in my home state of NC,
our voting laws changed recently-
mostly because the good-ole-boys
are scared shitless that you'll figure out a way to
cut off their supply of oppression.
Here are some great resources for you just in case you need them:
We could recalibrate.
Learn something new.
Be something different.
Together.
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