I DON'T WANT TO START OVER (NEWSFLASH: I'M NOT)

If you're just now checking in, I feel that I should remind 

you that my word for 2022 is #quitting.

I get that word doesn't resonate with everyone

but I tend to place a high value on the subversive.

I am endlessly amused by things that challenge norms.

Especially if I've found something within me that is ingrained

in a way that isn't productive.

If I used a nicer word like 'evolve' or 'sustainable'

my brain would think this needed to be a gentle

tweak of the status quo.

What I need in 2022 is to rattle my bones a bit

and since I (like many of you)

have defined myself as 'not a quitter' for so long

this feels like the best way to confront myself.

I recently quit a job for a company that I'd

been employed by for 22 years.

I was employee number 10 or 11

at a small startup that was going to transform 

the way the agriculture industry

moved goods and services around the US.

We were going to use this new fangled thing called the internet

and we were going to be very disruptive.

Working for a startup was one of those experiences 

I didn't know I was looking for

until I was in the middle of it.  

I was hired to do one thing but since that thing wasn't very defined, 

it morphed into something

different within days.  

And then again.  

And again.

If something needed doing, I did it.

If I needed to learn something new, even better.

Finance, negotiating, sql queries, software testing, 

process management, mentoring, coaching-

over the years, 

the list of things that I never intended to learn

grew exponentially.

Cleaning out my office

I've had a host of people reach out to me in support.

I really appreciate knowing that you care about me

and it's not just because I follow the rules

and get good marks in the public assignment.

Some of your messages are so tender and affirming

I will carry with them forever

and probably still leak Holy Spirit from my eyeballs

thinking of them when I'm 80.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

There's been a interesting theme that's come up a time or two

that I think is worth unpacking here

because there seems to be some confusion.

I am not starting over.

This is not a telenovella so I did not develop a rare

kind of amnesia and forget who I am.

I still have access to all of my experiences

and learnings from my past.

I am no longer a bright young thing

whose skills only consist of a college degree

some charisma and a lot of energy.

I still have those things-they didn't disappear.

They are now augmented by a lot of other things

that I learned on the job or in the river of life.

I also have certifications in many of those disciplines

and a proven track record.

I've had some messes and mistakes-

that I learned from and then 

applied that learning.

Most importantly, I know myself and have data to support

the ideas that I think about my abilities.

I am highly adapatable and curious.

I am a leader but I am also a good teammate.

I have watched myself do hard things in the face of pressure

and still have integrity with my own values.

I also know what I am NOT good at-

the kinds of assignments or organizations

that will not bring out the best of my abilities.

I'm mature enough to understand what isn't

mine to do and feel excited when someone

who is talented in that arena shows off their abilities.

Goldfish art by my daughter.  Have you watched Ted Lasso yet?

I do not know what I will do professionally as I move forward

but all the skills I acquired over the years are still with me.

I didn't wake up like this-

I worked for every bit of this experience, 

I moved towards the professional I am now, and

the beginning of this journey was a loooong time ago now.

No one can take it from me without my consent.

I am not starting over.

I'm becoming more of who I already am

and I will build on the foundation

that already exists.

So for those of you who are telling yourself

some version of this:

I wish I could do what she did but 

I really don't want to start over.

I want to challenge that thinking a bit.

It's a lie.

Whether it's a job or a relationship

or a community-you're not a brand new baby

who isn't bringing something to bear for your next challenge.

It will certainly feel hard and you'll feel vulnerable.

That isn't the same as being brand new to the rodeo.

You aren't starting over-

you have everything to be successful

within you.

Already.

And what you don't have right now

you'll learn or experience in that next opportunity.

If something is calling to you

there are a lot of methods to evaluate the opportunity.

Thinking that you're starting over is a chain around your ankle,

a limiting belief, and it will almost never serve your best self.

Feel free to throw that idea in the trash.

Finally, I'd love to talk about this with you.

Whenever.

Forever.

In real life or the internet.

Transformation is holy work

and it benefits from a specific kind of community.

Reach out if you're struggling with this lie.

I can help.