It's reflection time as we come to the end of a year and also the end of a decade.
Last year was the first year that I chose a word to focus on for the entire year and
that little investment paid off my friends.
As a quick refresher, I picked THRIVE as my word and truth be told...
I didn't really have a strong understanding of either it's meaning or
how to manifest this spirit in my life.
I was just going to try a little-
try to focus on living life in a way that felt more joy filled and open-ended.
I held it loosely but also knew that this was the thematic focus for the year;
a touchstone that I would use to underpin each day.
And holy shit did it work.
But not in the way that I thought it might.
If you pushed me at the time to try and define metrics of success for this focus,
I would have probably imagined something like:
an organized Tupperware cabinet
new PR every month at the gym
a number on the scale that is remotely within my physician recommended BMI
family dinner every evening with my core crew
blog posts published weekly with ease
That last one has one of my most solid fantasies contained within it...
I thought if I focused on the desire I had to thrive
then all the things I want to do or produce in my life would feel easier.
What could be more important than making producing easier?
Wouldn't that mean I was thriving?
sheesh.
I will literally never get away from myself will I?
The thing is....work never really gets easier.
It's still work.
You just get faster at it.
(This is a paraphrase of a Greg LeMond quote)
Or thought of in a different way-if what I'm doing is super easy,
then it's probably not the work I'm meant to do.
My work is challenging (for me) because it's meant to
change or transform me in some way.
If it's easy, then I'm most likely punching below my weight class.
So if it didn't make me produce more,
earn me new friends or turn me into a supermodel....
then what did my focus on thriving do for me?
What makes me say it was useful or worthwhile so confidently?
Here are a few things I've gained from focusing on this word.
THRIVING IS NOT STRIVING
I have long equated hustling, moving, making with
some measurement of health or well being.
Maybe I've just confused all positive feelings or experiences with
some westernized definition of success.
I've got a math equation hard wired into me that
says run your own circus + don't actually die = good job
This is definitely an institutionalized thing in our current culture.
But.....
I seem more capable in this maze than the average person.
My brain is pretty lazy if it only has one thing to do.
Give it 20 things that need doing
that are also challenging, creative, or maybe impossible
and my engine starts to rev.
Say it's too had, add a pinch of whining,
and I will make things happen.
Lots and lots and lots of stuff going on at once
energizes me and feeds on itself.
However....I very easily go from energized to
battle mode; from fun to survivalist mentality.
What I've learned this year is that for me to thrive,
I need to do less.
It is very counter intuitive to me but every single time I got off
track, every time I felt miserable or
found the bottom of my prolific energy source-
it was because I had too many irons in the fire.
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| Sometimes putting the puzzle together feels harder than it should |
While I may feel energized by all the spinning plates,
I need to spin fewer than my max in order to feel centered.
For proper perspective,
I'm not saying that I reduced my focus down to one project
or one iron in the fire.
I'm saying that I have 8 instead of 12.
Maybe one day I will narrow my focus to one thing at a time but I'm doubtful.
My spirit moves like a hurricane-
I learned this year how to ratchet it down
to a category 1 instead of a category 5.
In 2019 I said NO to a lot of opportunities AND
still made progress on my own work,
still showed up in ways that left me satisfied and allowed me to grow.
I am honestly still surprised that catastrophes don't
occur when I pare down my list
but they don't!
In fact, no one really even cares.
Except me because I'm living a more present life.
LESS IS MORE
Staying on this similar theme of paring down...
I thrive when I have less.
This applies to lots of things but I'm going to focus on food as an example
since this blog was originally a food focused effort.
I thrive when my diet is fairly limited.
I'm sure this is obvious to everyone who wasn't obsessed
with niche ingredients
and fiddly little kitchen creations for years.
But this information was hidden under stacks of Food and Wine magazines
and special holiday platters that I used 1.5X a year
so I couldn't actually get a good look at it until now.
I had in my mind that living a good life was somehow tied to variety.
After all, isn't that the spice of life?
Maybe it is but for me it's the kind of spice that leaves behind heartburn.
What I have learned this year
is that I feel great when I know there are standard
food items in my pantry that are good for me, easy to prepare and tasty.
AND FINITE.
Tried and true, repeated a LOT, readily sourced with reasonable ingredients.
I am not going to cook for longer than 30 minutes a day.
I am not going to shop at multiple grocery stores on a weekend.
I am just not.
But if I am using variety as a measurement of satisfaction or health,
then I'll start doing all kinds of things that get in the way of actually thriving.
I had to decide that it's ok to eat the same things for most meals
so that I could spend energy on other things.
For instance, most mornings I make a smoothie for breakfast.
I've probably had this smoothie 300 times this year.
Quick recipe:
1 cup baby spinach
1 banana
1/2 cup almond milk
3-6 large ice cubes
1 TBSP crunchy natural peanut butter
1 scoop vital proteins collagen peptides
Blitz until smooth.
It is so tasty and amazing,
very filling and uncomplicated..
It also supports my cognitive function,
is good for my hair and nails and skin,
keeps me full until lunch and virtually eliminates snacking.
I can find the ingredients at almost any grocery in my area.
I don't have to think about breakfast or fiddle with something special.
I don't have to wait for an oven to heat or keep something warm off to the side.
It is portable and takes less than a minute to make.
The worst challenge I have with this smoothie is that sometimes
the bananas or the spinach ripen before I can use all of them.
No biggie-bananas freeze well and can still be used for this smoothie
and I can tuck random sauteed spinach into just about anything.
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| Transparency-This salad is from the excellent team at FOUNT. Simple and healthy. |
I also want to point out that this strategy,
pairing down to the essentials, isn't boring.
(boring food is something I might have a phobia about).
I've just focused on the foods that I really love
and that also agree with me.
Like tacos with quick pickled kale slaw.
Egg roll in a bowl (totally great whole 30 recipe that I will forever adore).
Spicy roasted veggies and brown rice and lemon chicken.
I don't need a lot of variety when I have satisfaction with my choices already.
This focus applies to lots of things:
Clothes and shoes.
Parties and relationships.
Home appliances and furniture.
I don't need 700 options-in fact having all those options works against me.
I just the ones that are essential to support the life I want.
FUN SHOULD TAKE UP (LOTS OF )SPACE ON THE CALENDAR
Fun is a thing that is pretty specific to a person.
What I think is fun might be your idea of a tooth extraction.
There are lots of things that I think are fun to do
but many of those are also precious or significant in my life.
It's hard to decide what is fun and what is important
about most of the things I spend time doing.
Which is why my new found love of Rugby is such a magical gift.
I don't know if you can understand how bizarro this new focus is
for people who've known me all my life.
Sports before now were just not interesting to me in any form.
Of course I have a college basketball team that I pull for (I am southern after all)
but I was never more than a lackadaisical viewer or participant in sports.
Football-too slow.
Hockey-too cold.
Golf...that sport is just plain creepy.
Baseball-too much math and the outfits are weird.
I just couldn't get into any sport for longer than a highlight reel.
But right now, to me in this season-
rugby is one of the most fun and interesting things ever created.
I cannot get enough of it.
It hits all of the centers in my brain
and feels a little bit like watching real life super heroes.
I know stats and watch honest to goodness sports nerds strategizing about upcoming games.
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| Really funny moment where Anton Leinart-Brown was the victim of a Welsh pantsing |
I gave serious time to this new hobby in 2020
and that meant that I gave serious time to having fun.
Probably more than at any time in my life-including childhood.
As much as I love rugby, it is not that important to my daily life.
No one is going to be disappointed in me or
vote me out of the club for watching or not watching it.
It's all fun, all the time.
My favorite team lost the world cup this year-
to a team they've beaten many times before.
It was a little sad but also fair-they got outplayed on one day when it really counted.
The ride was incredible and I got to be fully present and here for it.
So while fun is specific to a person,
I found a source of it in 2019 that takes up a decent block of my calendar
and sort of forces me to wallow in it on the regular.
Thriving is just not possible without fun.
I CAN TRUST MYSELF
Probably the most subtle but important thing I learned this year
while I was focused on thriving is that I can trust myself.
For me to thrive, I need to connect my heart, head and body for a good chat.
Every day or so; with intention.
And then I need to listen to the counsel that comes from that connection.
I proved again and again this year that I can and will treat myself as I would
treat a precious child or one of my best friends.
Each time I listened to myself and took the action that best supported me,
I put a little marble into my own trust jar.
When I decided to hit pause on writing my book because I wasn't ready to do it yet.
When I contracted a weird infection that wasn't responding to the prescribed drugs.
When I needed a nap instead of a run.
When I needed a run instead of a cupcake.
When I needed a hug or a laugh or time alone.
I listened to myself and then supported myself.
Not because I was on a regime or had a target to hit.
But because I am important and I love myself.
This year of thriving has taught me about compassion and kindness...for myself.
2019 had so many gifts-some of them stung and some of them were sweet.
I focused on a word and I achieved something I couldn't even
imagine at the beginning of the year-
self acceptance and compassion.
I've got a new word for 2020 but for now, I"m basking in the glow of a job well done.
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| Most useful phrase in my arsenal right now. Works in almost every situation. |
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