MAPLE CREMES

Maple Cremes are a homemade candy that I make every December.

They are balls of flavored confectioner's sugar and butter, 

dipped into chocolate and topped with a pecan.

I actually have no idea why they are a tradition.

We are southern so...
maple is not a traditional flavor for us....
Ag nerd fact:  More than 50% of the maple syrup produced in the United States is sourced in Vermont.  Maple is a northern flavor...not a southern thing.

Maybe it's the pecan on top that cemented this as a tradition?
More Ag nerd facts:  80% of the world pecan market are grown in the southern United States 
North Carolina is in the top 10 states that produce pecans but the volume is much lower than GA, TX and NM. 
Nevertheless...pecans have persisted in NC and often grow
in yards, churches or parking lots.
My grandmother, her sisters and friends 

essentially farmed multiple pecan trees in yards and around town.

In the fall, they would coordinate the status of these trees-
tracking when the pecans were ripe,

painstakingly picking up the fallen pecans

and then hand shelling them over a course of weeks.

There were often stacks of ziploc bags 
filled with pecans laying around our house.

They would be given as gifts,

sold at the church bazaar, 

or used to make treats.

Quick aside...how do you say PECAN?
Almost no one I know says this word with exactly the same inflection or tone.

I enjoy all the ways that people say this word.

All of them give me a giggle.

Are you a peh-KAHN or a PEE-can 
or do you say something different?

I say PEE-KAHN.  

Both syllables have force and emphasis in my personal dialect.

Anywho....back to the point.

Maple Cremes are one of the things that I associate with Christmas.

I'm not quite sure where the original recipe came from

or if they're truly a southern tradition.

My Aunt Opal made them and everyone was crazy over them.

When I became adultish...I started making during the holiday season.

It was a way that I grounded myself as a college student 
who was ending an old life and starting a new one. 

There's a rhythm to making them that is simple and direct

but has just enough fiddlely bits that puts you into a zone.

Most people love them.

True Confession:
I actually don't like to eat them.

They hurt me...too sweet.
I'm not a sugar-lover
in spite of the name of this blog.
I do like to make them though.

Ingredients
32oz (2lbs.) of 10X powerdered sugar
2 sticks of butter, melted
2 TBSP maple flavor
2TBSP Water
1 box unsweetened baking chocolate
1 block paraffin wax
Pecan halves to garnish


Creation Steps
In a double boiler, 
heat chocolate and paraffin wax over medium heat 
until liquid.  
Do not burn, do not rush.
Stir occasionally.

Low tech double boiler=metal mixing bowl in a pan of boiling water.

In a large bowl, mix sugar, butter, flavoring and water.

Lay out a big sheet of parchment paper or wax paper.
With your hands, 
create 1" balls out of the sugar mix 
and lay out like soldiers on the wax paper.

We do this as an assembly line.  
Couple of people (usually kids) rolling the sugar into balls.
Couple of people (usually adults)
dipping the sugar balls into chocolate and topping with a nut.

You have to dip the ball into the chocolate
without dropping it into the chocolate.
Let it drip a little, then place onto the wax paper.
As you're pulling the toothpick or stick out of the dipped ball
use the pecan to hold the item onto the wax paper.
Allow to cool.

Words of Warning
There are a couple of potential snafus.  
1.  Sometimes the sugar mix is too dry.  If it won't stick together and hold a shape, then add a little bit of water (1 TBSP at a time) until it shapes up.
2.  If the chocolate gets too hot, it will be watery.  You can just take it off the heat for a couple of minutes to let it cool.
3.  If the chocolate gets too cool, it will get clumpy and weigh the balls down.  put it back on the double boiler water.
4.  If you drop a ball into the chocolate, just scoop it out with a spoon and give it to one of your co-chefs to eat.  DO NOT attempt to re-spear it with the toothpick or you run the risk of contaminating the chocolate with the sugar.
5.  If you don't like pecans, use a different nut.  My kids don't like pecans so this year we used salted almonds for some of them.  

These make great gifts.
Box up about 6-8 and give to people.
I do NOT recommend giving more than that....
they are seriously sweet.

Merry Christmas!

WALKING SOFTLY WITH MYSELF aka EXTREME SELF CARE

Art by me, frame by my husband.  I've never sold one of these-they're pretty heavy.

I have talked about my daily support efforts in Denial of Service.

They are:

Sleep 8 hours

Pray

Eat Good Food

Move this Body

Generally, if I'm doing these four things, 

I can feel confident that I'm taking care of myself, 

that I'm on track and not going to get burn out.  

I can also be pretty sure that JOY, 

the most essential quality in my life, 

will show up as a by-product

of my practice. 

I am a naturally optimistic and upbeat person.

I take the chaos of life, get knocked down and get back up smiling.

I annoy the world with my can-do, let's do this thing attitude.

There is no problem that can keep me down or out for long

and I am here to tell you...

I have no idea why this is.

Don't hate me...I didn't do anything to acquire this gift

and I don't feel somehow superior because I have it.

It's just something I was born with.

A constant feeling of LIGHT.

Art by me, sometimes for sale at Etsy.

Not lately though.

Lately...I have been calmly and resolutely suiting up every day

well rested, physically fit, nutritionally sound, 

connected to my Creator and .....

pretty dead inside.

There have been too many hits coming my way.

Too many people that I care about self-destructing.

Too many reasons to give energy to situations 

that don't restore or refresh my soul.

Ups and downs are a normal part of life

but this is a decimation of my self.

I am buried in the mud

and if the light is shining right in my face

I just can't see it.

Worse...things just aren't rolling off of me the way they normally would.

Negative thoughts are around every corner

and it's really difficult for me to avoid taking things personally.

This is real and this is where I am living currently.

I'll be here as long as I'm here.

I'm making space for the sadness-

welcoming the emotions to the table because 

they are all beloved guests.

It's nice when they visit.

I learn so much from each of them.

I don't need them to rush away

or be shoved in a closet.

The light will come back.

It is a certainty.

Come on in, set a spell.

In the meantime,

I want to talk about Extreme Self Care.

It is a habit that is fairly new for me-but like most habits,

I get better at it the more I practice.

Extreme self-care looks a little bit like being selfish

and occasionally may seem rude or even weak.

It looks like stepping away from a conversation 

where I would normally be a bridge or a mediator.

It means reminding myself that most things 

ARE NOT MY JOB 

and 

CANNOT BE FIXED.

It means allowing my emotional equilibrium to factor 

into my time management matrix.

It means setting a time where I will handle business that drains me

and not thinking about that business until exactly that set time.

Sometimes it looks like not answering my phone

or responding to messages until that time.

Sometimes it looks like going to work

at a place where I'm beloved and respected

and focusing on that business as an escape.

In Extreme Self Care mode, I don't have any room 

for negotiation with the normal items on my self care list.

Sleep 8 hours might turn into 10 on the weekends.

Moving my body might turn into a 

loooooong walk by myself listening to a podcast.

Eating well is one of the first things I drop when I'm struggling

so when I'm practicing Extreme Self Care I monitor my food intake.

There is occasionally a graph required

with calorie count and nutritional intake.

In Extreme Self Care, praying starts in the morning, 

continues through the day, 

and ends as I drift off to sleep.

Sometimes the prayer is THANK YOU

but in this season is is also often

WHAT THE FUCK?

or 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

and

I HEAR YOU, I DON'T LIKE IT.

Those prayers are all hallmarks of Extreme Self Care seasons.

GOD is bigger than anything my human can imagine 

and can handle my ridiculous tantrums.

In the summer, I make gardens and necklaces.  In the winter, I make pompoms and paintings.

It means saying 'NO' when it's not something that 

my soul immediately screams 'YES' to.

Even if it's something I would normally be down for....

gardening, church volunteer opportunities, lunch with a bestie-

in the Extreme Self Care season, 

all bets are off.

It means going for the comfort-

in foods, in clothes, in people.

It means listening to music

loud and on repeat.

It means creating-even in small little ways

if I can't find the spark for something big.

It means taking lots of Vitamin D,

having an extra cup of coffee,

long baths with Epsom salts,

and essential oils in large quantities.

It means that any non-essential projects or efforts 

will be laid down temporarily.

I treat myself as though I am sick.

With a contagious disease.

And I take myself out of the game.

Until I feel like I am restored.

Extreme self care is first aid for the soul.

If you need it now

or you might need it later,

I hope that you give it to yourself.

I can say with 100% certainty 

that you are worth it,

you are beloved,

and the world will not fall apart if you take

time to care for yourself.

A NEW NORMAL

Crisis is a terrible time.

In crisis, there is no foundation, 

you can't get your bearings, 

your life is turned upside down.

Every nerve ending is raw and on fire.

Often your heart or your body or both are in chaos.

The supports or crutches that you've used no longer 

allow you to numb or distract.

In crisis, you forget how

 to perform the most basic functions.

Breathing, eating, speaking-all might be too much.

Crisis takes us out of Normal.

What is Normal?

Normal is the place where we know everything that will happen.

A place where we know the rules and have already lived some version of the consequences.

Normal is whatever we are used to experiencing.

Normal is the place where we feel comfortable.
Normal is not necessarily healthy, loving, or safe.

Are these Normal places?

Where drinking daily means you don't have to feel anything.
Where your relationship with your spouse bears an uncanny resemblance to North and South Korea.

Where smoking in spite of your lung disease relieves your anxiety.

Where you say the same prayers, like the same statuses, 

vote the same way to prove you belong.
Where you show up at every event wearing a mask-so no one sees the real you.
Where judgement and labels make everything easier to navigate.

Where your relationship is defined by a birth or marriage certificate-

not by any shared experience.

Where you deserve a cupcake (or a few) to make up for the hurt you felt.

Where someone else's discomfort is diminished by your silence.

Art by me...Change is messy.

Humans are incredibly adaptable.

We can get used to anything.

Other animals have to remain in specific habitats or eating the 

bark of  a certain tree-
but humans have populated most of the globe.

We can persevere-through hatred, war, climate destruction, 

and lack of dental care.

Our evolutionary superpower is that

we can tolerate the intolerable.

We can turn that Wasteland into a Normal.

We can love the things and people and circumstances that are killing us.

And pine for it when it changes.

What happens when you can't ever go back to Normal?

When rock bottom is the place that you can't stay anymore,

you're usually evicted by factors
 that you can't control or circumstances you would never choose.

Very few people would leave their normal-

no matter how unhealthy, toxic or boring that normal may be.

The road to a new Normal looks like this....

So many people I love are in need of

and hoping to move towards

a new Normal.
It is painful to watch.

How do you formulate a new Normal?
Where is the path?
Why are the steps so hard and debilitating?
Why can't you carry some of the old Normal along with you?
Just to ease the burden a little.
I don't know.
It just doesn't seem to work that way.

I've been on a journey to a new Normal for a few years now....

and if I'd known what that would look like

how messy and torturous the path to something new would be

I am not sure that I would have continued.

I wish that I could package a healthy, thriving Normal on a map

and show these folks that I love how to find it.

But I suspect that part of finding a healthy Normal

means wanting to leave the old one behind.

Not everyone is ready for that trek.

Update for 2020:

The old Normal is gone-

washed away in a sea of face masks and 

state-sanctioned murders, and

statues thrown to the ground.

What will the new Normal be?

We'll see.