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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

DENIAL OF SERVICE



"Denialism is rejecting an obvious truth for a much more comfortable lie"- Michael Specter


I heard these words on a  TEDtalk podcast called Truth and Lies.  
Michael Specter was talking specifically about how denial (and our affinity for it) 
plays into how we understand and absorb science.  
How our need for comfort overrides our ability to accept facts. 
The specific episode is embedded at the bottom of this post if you want to listen.

This phrase stuck with me.
Or I got stuck on it.
Whichever way...I couldn't shake it. 
I'm in denial about things often...
but how do I reject facts in favor of comfort?

I have learned that my go-to move
when I'm in denial about some of my own shizz
is pointing fingers at other people.
Remarking on all the things THEY need to raise awareness around.

The beginning of my own denial generally sounds like words 
said (or thought) towards other people I care about:
You should take better care of yourself!
You're tired, rundown, or actually sick because you will not hold your own boundaries!
You try to people-please so much that you harm yourself.

Eh....yep...this is sounding familiar.
Self-care, self-worth, judgement and righteousness are all facets of my favorite denial-ism.
I call this Body Denial and I am generally in some stage of it.
I have talked about here and here.
I'm likely to keep talking about it for a good long time.
What is newly interesting (to me) is the idea that this attitude persists
because I am getting some comfort from this behavior.
I am comforting myself (mentally) by being uncomfortable (physically). 
My need to push all my physical boundaries is rooted 
with the idea that I'm not worth behaving differently.
Maybe that is true for many of us who have this same pattern.

How can I apply this new wrinkle to the work of my life?


One of my known challenges is over-working.
Working so much that I forget to recenter, breathe, or take care of myself.
The summer is often filled with obligations and stress.
This time of year is the peak of busy-ness in my industry.
This is also the time of year where my social life escalates-
the kids are out of school, let's get together/
lead vacation bible school/work some mission trips/
BBQ this weekend/go to the pool/see a concert/visit some relatives.
This is life and it is noisy and needy.

 I am definitely comfortable in this dynamic.
In fact, I used to approach this time of year with an attitude of a warrior.
Time to armor up!  
This is what I am made for!
I can be so comfortable in the battle-gear
 that I can forget it's not meant to be worn all the time.
There hasn't been a summer in the past twenty years that didn't wear me out.
I have done so many of the things that were asked of me
without actually asking if my Body or my life could endure it...much less enjoy it.
That needs to change if I want to be more comfortable in my Body.



So... this year I was especially proactive.
In January, my family and I planned a big vacation for the summer.
TWO WEEKS OFF.
Yep.  
TWO WEEKS.
At our favorite, most laid-back haven on Earth.
The place where we love to be and never seem to get tired of being.
Ocracoke Island.
Two weeks outside of my normal life,
outside of the routines and expectations that I make for myself,
during the peak season of busy-ness.
This monster of a beautiful life was going on hiatus.
See ya later alligator.


We were planning on spending those two weeks at Ocracoke
but things worked out better than planned.
We went to Oriental AND Ocracoke.
Because I had already created the space
for the break to be allowed-
there was room when things didn't go exactly as planned.
Because I already knew it was important to have this break
I didn't compromise or waver when things got a little wishy-washy.



I have decided to be less in denial about the comfort 
I feel when I'm over-scheduled.
I have decided to create a new normal of comfort that prioritizes my Body and my health.
I don't want to over-work my Body, push it past all limits
until it falls apart in an epic tantrum.
Been there.
Done that.
Often.


I've just spent two weeks sleeping, eating, and connecting with my crew.
Two weeks of listening to the Body
and doing only what I want or feel called to do
in that moment.
However imperfectly my listening skills may be when it comes to my Body
I made progress towards my goal.
It was enough of a breather
for me to see how run down I've let myself become again.
Again.
It was enough of a breather to let me have time to forgive myself for that.
Again.


It was enough of a break from the stage of my life
to let me make more proactive adjustments.
I have been able to plan to support myself during the chaos
and I've been able to consciously choose to let some obligations go.
More importantly, the things on my list are each  
beloved and cherished work that bring me joy or contribute to my overall health goals.
(Including the mandatory nights within each week where nothing is scheduled.)
I can't get this clear about the present when I'm running from facts.
Denial serves something, but it doesn't serve a healthy life.

Strategy Sessions....

I have some strategies that I'm applying
to real life now that I think will keep space in my 
life for me, for self care and the Body.
If these strategies don't work
(and they might not)
then I have time set aside already 
to review and develop new ones.
I am reclaiming the importance of myself
in my acts, not just my words.

 I was recently catching up with a very accomplished, 
graceful powerhouse (and an incredible human) that I know.  
She wanted to confirm that I had actually taken 2 whole weeks of consecutive PTO.
She has never taken off more than a couple of days.
We discussed this sickness of BUSY-NESS
and the self-centered idea that our lives NEED US.
We shared our experience with trying to do all the things.
I suggested that two weeks is not that much time.
Maybe she will try it-maybe she won't.
It helps to have conversations like these-
ones that help me remember that 
I am not alone in this struggle.
I am working actively to move myself off this hard edge
into softer, more forgiving spaces.
#winning

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