html

Monday, February 27, 2017

TINY SEEDS

Look at these brilliant, beautiful powerhouses.  They nourish their tiny seeds- water them with faith and love.
This post is inspired by one of my dearest and longest held friends.
We were girls together.
And even though we have grown and moved
we have failed and succeeded
and will fail and succeed again
I will always be a cheerleader of hers.
I still feel her heart as part of mine.
She wrote a blog post that got me thinking
and in my usual way
I somehow managed to connect 
her post
with growing plants
because I really only have about 3 tracks in my brain
(growing stuff, eating stuff, healing stuff)
So sit tight and enjoy the ride
as I take the long way 'round.

**************
Baker Creek puts out an incredible catalogue...it's art 

It's spring and that always brings me to seed catalogs.
I love to browse through them
plotting and dreaming of the possibilities,
how many plants I can fit in that space,
what the potential options are
for heirloom and organic,
flowers and vegetables,
tools and soil amendments.
I'm a plant geek.
I can't help it.


Plant nerd eye candy on Baker Creek's Instagram

Seeds are such amazing little packets of life.
They hold so much energy-
just waiting quietly for the spark
in this encased and self-sufficient pod.
When plants make seeds,
they usually make hundreds.
It's like they know life needs 
thousands of possibilities
in order to ride one spark to fruition.

In spite of their compact efficiency, seeds are challenging.
They have lots of raw building materials
 in that little package.
However...they need some important additives
in reasonable doses.
Add some water
and a substrate
and some light
and wallah!
You'll most likely get that little engine going.
Mostly likely.
Not always.

There's something that you have to understand about seeds.
They are time bound.
They do not have limitless potential.
Most annual seeds have a shelf life of 1-3 years.
Meaning..if you preserve them
in exactly the right humidity
and temperature
then they will still remain viable 
somewhere between 1 year and 3 years of 
when they became seeds.
That's a wide margin...and it shows you how chaotic
and variable life can be.
Sometimes a seed from 3 years ago can actually take root
and grow into what it was meant to be.
And sometimes that same type of seed
won't sprout even a few months from when it was intended.

Even though I know this
and I KNOW that I can't 
(probably)
use those seeds from last year
(or the year before)
in my current vegetable garden....
every year I have at least one packet of 
SOMETHING 
that I try to get going.
Just because it never hurts to try.

Does it?



I've been thinking about what it means
to hold on to possibility that might be dead.
What opportunities am I missing out on
when I try to grow seeds
that are not going to grow-
no matter how much I water them?

How do I know the difference between a seed that still can be a plant
and a seed that needs to be composted?
I don't think there's a checklist
that is fail proof
that will tell me 
FOR SURE
that it's time to move on.




Anecdotal evidence suggests that 
sometimes I can in fact use that basil seed
from two years ago.
Sometimes that seed takes root
and flourishes.

But...
Sometimes that seed never goes anywhere.
I've been wasting water
and space in the garden
that was meant for something else.

And also....
Sometimes I pick what is easy instead of what I really want.
There are choices that seem like success...
but end up feeling like pragmatism at it's worst.
I can't have that amazing tomato variety
because I used the space for those pepper seeds
that I found hanging out in the bottom of the seed cabinet.
They grew and we had jalapenos coming out of our noses....meh.
No one in our house is super crazy for jalapenos.
So why did I make that choice?
Lots of reasons....but mostly because it was easy and I was lazy.



Several years ago, my little family took a trip to Italy.
On the side of a mountain in Tuscany I saw
an artichoke plant growing wild.
It was gorgeous.
Sometimes, I will remember that plant as I'm combing through seed catalogs.
I will find Artichoke
and gaze with lust on it's royal blue or purple frills
it's exotic and practically alien leaves
so silver and sharp.

Then, I remind myself of the specs of an artichoke plant
which include a need for cold treatments to induce flowering
and space of at least 5 feet between plants.
Which (so far) has caused me to get real with myself.
Artichoke growing would take up most of my yard
AND would mean that I cannot
grow any of the other plants that are essential
(I'm really talking about tomatoes here and we all know it)
So artichoke growing is not for me.
I could do it-but there is a cost of the other seeds
that I would like to grow more of
or that maximize my actual gifts and talents best.

Saltproject are amazing....


Let's bring this metaphor all the way around.
Choosing seeds is a lot like making life choices.
Picking which dreams to follow.
There are so many
-thousands really-
points of our lives where we have potential.
Multiple seeds waiting to go in the ground and lead us down a path.
If you think about it too long
you're liable to get performance anxiety
and let your seeds rot in the drawer.

We make decisions.
We pick the dreams we want to nurture.
A relationship.
A job.
A child.
A perspective.
A painting.
A book.

We plant those seeds;
we water and care for them.

Sometimes those dreams grow and bear fruit.
Sometimes we tend those dreams too much
and we choke them out.
Sometimes we treat them just right...and natural disasters occur.
Outside of our control.
And the crops we've tended die.
Marriages.
Children.
Careers.


When the seeds die
it is important to grieve their death.
To honor them and send them back to the earth.
To give thanks for all the lessons that we've learned
through those seeds.
Even when they failed.

It's also important to remember that 
LIFE WINS
There will be a time for new seeds.
ALWAYS.


source

When planting season comes back around
we will feel spring stirring
and we will know it is time.
Time to plant the ones that we've been gazing at longingly
in that great seed catalog.
To remember that not all seeds grow
in the places we want them to grow.
But the seeds that are for us
are GLORIOUS
and meant for us.











Tuesday, February 14, 2017

HARD TO HANDLE

This much coffee is a sure sign I am not handling anything...

I want to talk about something chewy again.
Of course I do.
I chew on lots of stuff.
And when it bugs me...I have to get it out.
Like snake venom.
Or splinters.
Or spinach in my teeth.


How many times have you heard this phrase:

God will never give you more than you can handle.


I remember the first time that I heard it.
My older cousin had just died in a drunk driving accident.
Adults around me were dropping that phrase like it was the next diet craze.
And here's the thing....
that sweet little saying
is
absolute

#BULLSHIT

How does it make sense
in this world
that God would never give you

a puny, 
selfish, 
whiny 
human

more than YOU can handle?
*
It doesn't.
*
I often (ok....always) have more than I can handle.
I am prone to hyperbole but I am not exaggerating here.
I'm relatively safe in my western, entitled life.

And most days I still CANNOT EVEN.

So why is this a phrase that 
safe and comfortable western Christians 
want to throw around?
What is comforting to us about believing that 
God 
dishes out exactly the right amount of pain
 that we can handle-
Alone?

***********


I recently read For the Love by the incredibly brave Jen Hatmaker.
Don't know her?
Fix that.
Tout suite.

thanks to Cooking with the Johnstons for the picture above.
For the Love.  Buy it!




For perspective on challenges I could be asked to 'handle',
 I try to place myself 
in the shoes of someone who has had 
terrible, awful events outside of their control
occur within their life.
It helps me put what is happening in my life into perspective.
I try to imagine 
how it must feel to have this phrase
 said to me when:
*
 my livelihood is eliminated
*
my sister is raped
*
my brother over-doses
*
my son starves 
*
my government is overthrown
*
my crops are burned 
*
my apartment is shelled
*
my school is unsafe
*
my water source  is contaminated
*
my body is diseased
*
my life is over

And every time I imagine it
my instinct is to curl up and die.
There is no comfort in this phrase.

None.

We need to stop saying it.


In most cases
the perpetrators of evil are humans.
In others-there is no real blame.
Natural disasters happen.
People die.
It is the way of life.
God does not create tragic events
so that humans
can prove their ability to handle their shizz.

No.

On instagram?  Follow @thejoywarrior  

It helps me remember that God 
didn't set up my life
so that I could dose myself with pain
in amounts that my tiny body could handle 
ALONE.
There is no way I was designed to handle this life alone.

****
So what is it about this phrase that keeps it in our toolkit?
For me, it's the independent behavior it validates.
I think we all know by now how much I love 
to SEEM
like I have my life together
and am handling it like a pro.
source


See?  
Look at me WINNING over here.
Not needing anything 
or anyone
because you know...
God has my playlist SET!
And whatever crap this life throws at me
it is my JOB to handle like a Boss.
(Which used to mean handle alone).

The thing is...I cannot handle my life.
Not alone.
Not without God.
from ibelieve


I am pretty sure that the 
really heavy, hard stuff in my life
is there so that I will eventually 
GIVE UP.
So that I will realize
that in order to deal
I need to reach for God.
So that I reach for the one 
who holds my soul closest
and in his hand.








Monday, February 06, 2017

SUBURBAN GARDENING-DECADE IN

My front porch in October.  


I'm tired of deep meaningful conversations.  
My therapist has me doing an intense weekly delve into my childhood trauma.  
Good work that needs to be done.

My country is in a state of turmoil.
My metaphorical neighbors are having a hard time loving each other.
Everyone wants to be right
and have that mean that the other guy is wrong.
I don't want to talk about that either.

This peony was given to me by my Grandmother...it is simultaneously loud and gracious, just like us.
My church is struggling to find a voice
that doesn't magically sooth every single perspective and member
and still stands for the poor, downtrodden, and dis-enfranchised.
you know...
like Jesus did.
I can't even talk about that.

So I'm going to post some pictures
and some yard tips
that should illustrate somewhat
how my yard is doing since I wrote that long ago post.
Hellebore beside my porch....sneaky winter flowers.

I was going to try and post side by side pictures.
But that got technical real quick.
And it is winter and all.
So I decided to post some shots of flowers in this over grown,
matured and well-loved
suburban yard.

When we moved in, our soil was literally rubble.
Left over from the build.
There were some plants in the tiny yard.
But they were haphazardly placed
and relatively unimaginative.
Daffodils in a sea of lime green Creeping Jenny


Here is a little of what I know about gardening in small spaces.....

1. Color and texture should be in every space of your garden.
Every damn space.
Don't forget to look high and low.
Yes, the space should flow but...
make little vignettes OFTEN.

I have two camellia plants in my yard-one is a fall bloomer, one is a winter bloomer.  
In addition to cut flowers, they look great in the yard,
provide foliage for Christmas crafts
and a place for birds to perch.
They are also NONBORING (helleri hollie..i'm looking at you)
backdrop for smaller shrubs and perennials.
They are distinct, add their own beauty AND allow other plants to shine.

C. japonica-the winter bloomer.

3.  Set a color palette and keep to it
By the front bed....Purple Heart, Loropetalum, Impatiens, Hydrangea, Creeping Jenny
This is the hardest one for me. 
Because I love them all...all the flowers.
All the time.
I have been mostly successful sticking to lime greens and hot pinks
 with a dash of purple or yellow thrown in.
It works for me.
If I am tempted in early spring or fall then I turn 
the back deck into a short term color wheel.
The perennials all fall into this color scheme and so prevent my chaotic, overplanted yard
from LOOKING chaotic or overplanted.
Mostly.

4. BUY WELL
Annuals are like costume jewelry...made to overdo it.  
They won't last and you can never (rarely) have too many
 as long as you stick to a color palette.
Perennials are like precious jewelry.  
Invest in pieces you'll love forever.
Perennials are trees, bushes, and perennial flowering plants.
Carefully consider each purchase of these.

Also....you can't just plop a tree in the middle of the yard and expect to have a garden.
Here's an idea of the scale of plants you'll need:
For every tree, try to add at least 3 bushes.
For every bush, try to add at least 3 perennials (I prefer 5).
For every perennial, try to add at least 3 annuals.

If you keep to this rule, you'll have layers of height.
But in a small space, you also have to know how tall that tree is getting
and how wide that bush will be.
They're like baby lions...cute when they're little but they grow fast.
Pick well in small spaces....
Find an evergreen bush that also blooms and or bears fruit.
It is possible.
Get at least 3 seasons out of each perennial plant.
Spring flowers, summer shade, fall color and something interesting in the winter.
Beautyberry...worth every square inch of my garden that it takes up.

4.  Mix in beauty and usefulness
There is no reason that you can't have flowers and edible plants even in tiny spaces.
Mix them in together.
Buy dwarf varieties for pots and patios but also consider them in the yard.
Tomatoes are exotic and beautiful.
Lettuce can fill in for sprint annuals.
Kale and cabbage love to be with pansies.
We mix in veg with annuals often...but we also finally gave in
 and planted a side vegetable bed.
It is beautiful and functional.


Two views of our garden.....the first is late late summer-
pansies went in with the marigolds, 
tomatoes are done
greens and fall crops are planted
parsley and peppers are still kicking



This shot is very early spring.
Purple kale is huge
Carrots are ready to go anytime
pansies still peaking out
spring peas are climbing the trellis' on the sides
(we had to ring it with rabbit wire because the bunnies were eating us out of veg)


 We are a decade in.....once again life proves that in spite of 
concrete, runoff, poor drainage...LIFE WINS.
You can overcome any challenge as long as you keep trying
and you don't even have to try that hard.
Just keep at it, one pile of compost and one cup of water at a time.

This tiny garden is awesome and amazing.
It doesn't stop for elections, tax designations or denominational struggles.
It just keeps powering through.
And that is something to remember when you just can't even.